Drag the lake, Charlie;
Charlie, drag the lake.
Lester didn't come home last night and Wanda's all irate.
Better keep your fingers crossed and hope we find him drowned.
Wanda's going to come and kill us all if he shows up in town.
Drag the lake, Charlie;
I heard that he was seen
cavorting with Old Shorty up at the Line again.
Wanda's got that goddamn pistol in her purse.
If she goes on a rampage, they'll have to call the hearse.
Better drag the lake, Charlie;
Charlie, drag the lake.
Remember what happened last time Lester went on the make.
I heard it took the cleaning crew two weeks to clean the bar.
They never found that teenaged girl,
they never found the car.
Drag the lake, Charlie.
Drag the lake, Charlie.
It won't be the first time, but it might be the last.
Drag the lake, Charlie,
and keep your fingers crossed.
And if you're friends with Jesus, please ask him to help us.
Our best case scenario is Lester turns up dead.
I'm almost out of Valium, courage, and self respect.
Drag the lake, Charlie.
Drag the lake, Charlie.
Won't be the first time, but it might be the last.